Day 278


He really wanted it today.  Nothing was going to stop him, I knew.  Half of me really wanted to, but the other half was literally shutting its doors ’cause it was really scared of the pain.  In the end, he settled for a blow job.  This blog is starting to turn quite dry, maybe it should be renamed to “365 Days of Blow Jobs”.  At least I’m being honest?  <– trying to be positive!

He said “you’d rather give me a blow job than to have sex”.  I’m sure he felt rejected, and I felt like shit as well.

Decided to go visit a doctor on Monday to see if we can sort this out.  Not sure if I’ll be brave enough to give sex a try this weekend.


Taking the risk sex.  ~11:30pm

The evening went by and I thought of the situation constantly.  I finally made the decision to just go for it ’cause I can’t hide from this for ever!  So I put his hand on my thigh and watched him react.  Of course I used extra, extra lubrication just in case.  My body had never been more tense!  I asked him to follow my lead and had him on top of me as low as possible, somehow I find this angle was the best to work with.  It felt so good to have his hands squeeze my ass and push my pelvis closer to his penis.  The sex was great, forgot how much I missed having sex.  There was pain afterwards, not excruciating as the last time, more manageable, but definitely nothing negligent.  


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