Sparks, Embers, Dead Ash

It’s already been a year?

It was shocking when I finished that last post and realized that I had essentially finished what I had set out to do.  It had become a daily routine, and I realized that I wouldn’t have to log in and do this on a daily (or… you know… not so daily) basis any longer.  It’s liberating, but so very tragic at the same time.  I’m the type of person who likes to document things.  I like lists, agendas, planning, accurate facts regarding every little thing in life… I like to remember, to relive, to look back.  On a personal level, even though this blog is very anonymous, it’s also very intimate.  Despite the fact that I never went into explicit detail about how the deed was done (in my opinion), it was still sharing quite a private aspect of our lives.

Let me just say that I am utterly disappointed that the last two days were so void of sex!  I told him this afterwards and he demanded that I write in all the sex that we had the following day (and it was quite a lot) to compensate.  However, that wouldn’t be real any more.

So the answer the question, do the sparks go out?

Unfortunately, but truthfully, I do believe it is happening for us.  I remember a time when we used to have sex at least twice a day and not be able to keep our hands off of each other.  However, almost 3 years later, I guess that does change.  The petulant part of me wants to pout and say that circumstances have changed, he’s so much busier, I’ve started working full time, and we both have social lives to maintain, so it’s not a loss of sparks, but a mere loss of time.  Yes, it is true.  However, maybe I’m still being petulant when I say that if two people really wanted it, then they’d make time, regardless of everything else.  I recognize the impossibility of it, but that does not mean I’m not upset by it.  In fact, I am often upset when he doesn’t have time for sex with me.  As evident in some of the blog entries.

I don’t want to equate “sparks” with emotions or attraction or attachment because I still think we’re emotionally attached (if not more) and I’m still attracted to him.  When he would look at me from across the room, I still blush and my heart rate quickens.  I also want to speak scientifically of the fact that if one couple has a high libido, their “spark” is going to continue longer than a couple that has a lower dosage of libido.  At the same time, I cannot stress more about communication in a relationship.  Telling each other about feelings and emotions without blaming/pointing fingers enhances growth and strengthens trust.  I must admit I am guilty of not communicating at times as my personality makes me shut off the world and retrieve into my little shell to fume and am quite easily reduced to tears, it’s definitely something I’m trying to improve upon.

So now, I’m going to “talk” to him about when he’s planning on wrapping up his work for tonight and do something else.  😉

Last but not least.  I want to thank everyone who’s read, followed, liked, commented on this blog!  I hope it served as a little piece of entertainment for you.  I tried to be as authentic as I could, but obviously difficult as it is quite a personal matter.

Happy pleasing!  🙂

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Day 363

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I’d rather do you sex.  ~8pm
8.5/10

In between projects, he stood up and gestured to the bed and told me to get over there.  “Whatever for?  I thought you needed to do work.”  “I’d rather do you.”  He said while stripping himself of his clothes.  Well, it’s not exactly textbook romantic, but I liked the plainness of it.  So I asked him to show me what he’s got while I complied and stripped naked as well.  On the bed, I sucked his cock with satisfaction.  Didn’t think I’d ever find a cock I enjoy sucking on.  Then again, ever since I was a baby, I apparently liked to put things in my mouth.  Foreshadow much?  He got up after a few minutes and took advantage of my position: lying on my stomach.  I like it when he spreads my ass cheeks open and looked at my holes before he penetrates.  Tonight, he repeated this numerous times.  It’s a little embarrassing, but also highly arousing knowing that he’s looking at something so private.  I playfully reached back to grab his cock, but he pinned both of my wrists together, down against my back.  The lack of control on my part was so delicious.  

Day 362

Break.

After the fight last night, we hadn’t actually spoken to each other (in person) for about 24 hours now.  He’s out doing his project with his partner.  I kind of feel bad, he is under a bit of stress at the moment, but on the other hand, it wasn’t just last night.  He even said that the last time we had sex more than once a day was a while ago.  It’s so long ago that I can’t even remember when or how or where.  On one hand, I want to reach out to him and show him that I just miss being with him, but… the black/white side of me is still annoyed and is definitely stubborn enough to keep this silence up for a lot longer.  

Day 361

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Been waiting for so long sex.  ~8pm
8.75/10

He was gone the entire day working on a project, left to my own devices, my thoughts soon turned to a certain area.  I waited patiently for him to come home, he averted my first attempts at taking off his clothes because he was eager to watch a particular episode.  I wasn’t going to lie, I had been waiting for too long to watch it as well!  When he took off his clothes and snuggled into bed with me much later, we kissed and touched and teased each other and he entered me.  It felt great and I couldn’t bend my legs enough to grant him further access.  I love it when he has control of my legs and contort them however he wishes while fucking me.  I’m a control freak by day, but in bed, I don’t want a single shred of control.  He turned me over and fucked me so hard that I had to plant a hand against the wall to stop myself from sliding with each thrust.

And even later, in bed, with the lights turned out, I hopped up and straddled him, wanting a replay of what had happened a couple of hours ago.  He joked and we play fought for a bit, but I had every intention of sliding down on his cock while he did not.  Out of (pent up) frustration and annoyance, I slid off him and asked

“When was the last time you fucked me more than once a day?”

“A while ago?”

“Yeah!”

I didn’t let him touch me for the rest of the evening and rolled over to sleep.

Day 360

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Pretend bikram yoga sex.  ~11pm
8.75/10

I was quite annoyed as we got closer to bed time, he’d made no move to indicate that he was interested in having sex tonight.  Out of annoyance, I headed off to the shower without him.  I was almost finished when he came in and pressed his penis against me, it was semi-erect.  I stood on my tiptoes and let him slid his penis against my pussy back and forth.  He put a hand on my back and I turned off the shower before bending over.  His penis slid in easily, surprising me, and he pulled my back against him.  I titled my head down, loving to watch my breasts sway as he fucks me.  The heat and the wetness gave difficulty to our breathing and both of us thought we were going to pass out afterwards.  He mentioned whether this would be how it felt to have sex in a bikram yoga room.  Now I’m itching to satisfy that craving.